The Preventative Remedy for Spinsterhood

Overcoming the Problem of Large Dowries

Costly dowries are one of the greatest obstacles to marriage. The Sharee‘ah provides a practical solution to this problem in the Book of Allah The Almighty and in the verbal as well as practical Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. In the Qur'an, Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah Is All-Encompassing and Knowing.} [Qur'an 24 32] In the Sunnah, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Among the signs of a blessed woman are that her betrothal, her dowry and her womb [giving birth] are made easy.” [Ahmad]

With regard to the practical Sunnah, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, never gave a dowry to any of his wives or took a dowry for any of his daughters that was more than 500 dirhams: Abu Salamah may Allah be pleased with him, asked ‘Aa’ishah may Allah be pleased with her “How much did the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, pay as a dowry for his wives?” She said, “His dowry was twelve ounces and a Nashsh. Do you know what a Nashsh is?” Abu Salamah replied, “No.” She answered, “Half an ounce; this [the twelve and half ounces] equals 500 dirhams, and this was the dowry that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would give to [any of] his wives."[Muslim]

Ibn ‘Abbaas may Allah be pleased with him, said: “When ‘Ali married Fatimah may Allah be pleased with them, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him: ‘Give her something [i.e. a dowry].’ ‘Ali may Allah be pleased with him, replied, 'I have nothing [to give to her as a dowry].' The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘Where is your armor [that is called] Al-Hutamiyyah?’ So he brought it and gave it to her.”

Also, a woman came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said, “O Messenger of Allah! I have come to give you myself in marriage [without a dowry].” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her, then lowered his head. When the woman saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his Companions then got up and said, “O Messenger of Allah! If you do not want her, marry her to me." The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Have you got anything [to offer as a dowry]?”The man said, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah!” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him: “Go to your family and see if you can get something.”The man went and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, I have not found anything.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“[Go again] and look for something, even if it is an iron ring.” He went again and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my loincloth [he did not have an upper garment].” He added, “I can give half of it to her." The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “What will she do with your loincloth? If you wear it, she will not have a part of it, and if she wears it, you will not have a part of it.”The man sat down for a long time and then got up (to leave). When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, saw him leaving, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “How much of the Qur'an do you know?...”

‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him, said, "Do not demand costly dowries for women!"

The Share'ah has made the dowry a means of honor for women, so women should not therewith be rendered as a commodity that is bought and sold. There is no woman greater, more honorable or nobler than Fatimah may Allah be pleased with her whom the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married off in return for a suit of armor. We do not say that large dowries are prohibited, but we do call for moderation.


Fighting the Habit of Giving Extravagant Weddings

We will not go into much detail here, and only mention two examples:

1 – The marriage of the best man in the world:

When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married Safiyyah may Allah be pleased with her, and the marriage banquet consisted merely of butter, simmered milk and dates.

2─ The marriage of the cream of women of Paradise, Fatimah Az-Zahraa’ may Allah be pleased with her:

‘Ali may Allah be pleased with him, said, “What the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, prepared as a trousseau for Fatimah was a velvet gown, an animal- skin bottle and a pillow that was filled with Ithkhir [a sweet smelling herb].”Jaabir may Allah be pleased with him, said, “We attended the wedding of Fatimah may Allah be pleased with her, and we never witnessed a wedding better than it. We filled a mattress with fiber, brought dates and raisins and ate. Her bed on her wedding night was the skin of a ram.” When ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf may Allah be pleased with him got married, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to him: “Offer a banquet, even if with one ewe.”


The Guardian of the Bride May Offer Righteous Men to Marry the Woman Under his Guardianship

If the guardian of a young woman finds a righteous, religious, suitable man, he may offer him to marry the woman whom he is responsible for, whether she is his daughter or relative. There is nothing wrong with this and is, in fact the way of reasonable people. ‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him, did so, as it was narrated that he may Allah be pleased with him, said: 'When [my daughter] Hafsah bint ‘Umar was widowed by her husband, Khunays ibn Huthaafah As-Sahmi, who was one of the Companions of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and someone who had fought in the battle of Badr and who died in Al-Madeenah. I met 'Uthman ibn 'Affaan and offered him Hafsah in marriage, saying, ‘If you wish, I can marry Hafsah bint 'Umar to you.' On that, he said, ‘I will think it over.’ I waited for a few days and then he said to me. ‘I am of the opinion that I shall not marry at present.’ Then, I met Abu Bakr and said, ‘If you wish, I will marry her to you - Hafsa bint 'Umar.’ He kept quiet and did not give me any reply and I was, therefore, angrier with him than I was with ‘Uthmaan. Some days later, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked her hand in marriage and so I married her to him. Later, Abu Bakr met me and said, ‘Perhaps you were angry with me when you offered me Hafsah in marriage and I gave no reply to you?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Abu Bakar said, ‘Nothing prevented me from accepting your offer except that I knew that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, had mentioned her and I would not have disclosed the secret of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, but had he [i.e. the Prophet] given her up, I would have accepted her.’[Al-Bukhaari]

This was the understanding of ‘Umar may Allah be pleased with him and who among us is better than ‘Umar?

We ask Allah The Almighty to guide the Ummah to all that leads it to goodness.

We have previously spoken about the causes of spinsterhood and then about its impact and harms. It is now necessary to speak about the practical solution to this problem that has become phenomenal in many Muslim societies.

At the outset, I would like to state that this calamity has not occurred overnight or by chance. Our society has caused it and it has been increasing it through our customs, traditions, and obsessions that contradict our religion.

Although the problem has become complicated and aggravated - due to numerous old and new reasons - the solutions are still in our hands if we truly want to be free of this affliction. I do not mean that the remedy is easy; it is a difficult and long path that requires collaborated efforts, united hands, and the participation of all people whether they be fathers, mothers, callers to Islam, judges, teachers, Imaams, media professionals, or others.

Before we try to find remedies for an ailment, we have to know the reasons behind the ailment itself, so we may choose the most useful treatment and most effective remedy. Never did Allah The Almighty create an ailment except that He created a remedy for it. Whenever the remedy of an ailment is obtained, the ailment will be cured, with the Permission of Allah The Exalted.

We have looked into the causes behind this ailment and mentioned only some of them, due to the lack of time. To all the causes of this problem, there is one solution: to return to the religion; to return to Islam; to return to the purified Share‘ah.

This solution is not only meant to solve the problem, but for us to continually abide by the rules of our Share'ah. This is in general. Before we go into detail, I wish to state that Allah The Almighty revealed this Share‘ah and this religion to purge the hearts of people, purify their souls, make their lives happy, ease everything for them that is related to this life and the Hereafter, and grant them spiritual and physical happiness. Whoever adheres to the Share‘ah will be eternally happy in his life and in the Hereafter; and whoever ignores it or exchanges it for anything else - whatever it may be - Allah The Almighty will ruin his life and make him blind and misguided away from the path that would lead him to happiness in his Hereafter.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {…Then whoever follows My guidance will neither go astray [in the world] nor suffer [in the Hereafter]. And whoever turns away from My remembrance - indeed, he will have a depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection blind. He will say, ‘My Lord, why have You raised me blind while I was [once] seeing?’ [Allah] will say, ‘Thus did Our Signs come to you, and you forgot them; and thus will you this Day be forgotten.’ And thus do We recompense he who transgressed and did not believe in the signs of his Lord. And the punishment of the Hereafter is more severe and more enduring.} [Qur'an 20:123-127]

When the Ummah (Muslim nation) abided by the Share‘ah, these problems were unheard of, except for some exceptional cases which cannot be taken as a rule. When the Ummah abandoned the teachings of its religion and was open to cultural invasion, plagues, diseases, and afflictions appeared among its people. If we return to Allah The Almighty, He will return to us.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means):

* {It is expected, [if you repent], that your Lord will have mercy upon you. But if you return [to sin], We will return [to punishment]} [Qur'an 17:8]

* {Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves}[Qur'an 13:11]


Treating this problem lies in the following:

1- Rebuilding the Ummah’s religious and belief structure: The Ummah’s sound creed has been tampered with so that many people are confused about their faith and belief in Allah The Almighty and His Messenger, salallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. The certainty of many people has weakened to such a degree that they are no longer sure that if a person wants to marry seeking chastity, Allah The Almighty will help him, expand his sustenance and provide for him from where he expects and from where he does not expect. Marriage has no longer become an act of worship in the eyes of some people. It has become a form of lust instead of being a good deed that is meant to please Allah The Almighty and to gratify one’s needs chastely. Some people have come to the point that they cast doubts about some Sharee‘ah-established rulings, such as the permissibility of polygamy. Instead of taking polygamy as a solution, they use its permissibility to attack Islam and its adherents. Added to that is the fact that hearts are not certain that solving the problems lies in obeying Allah The Almighty and His Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.

2- Rebuilding morals: This could be done through replanting the correct concepts in people's minds, especially young children. We have to teach them to be pure and chaste and strengthen in their hearts the meanings of honor, magnanimity, protecting honor, chivalry, manhood, excellence, modesty, and lowering the gaze, especially with the invasion of satellite television channels and other media that aim at destroying all meanings of virtue while promoting vice and immorality.
Almost everything that is presented to our sons and daughters is a call to immorality. It is a misleading call for displaying charms, showing body parts, and destroying every fort of virtue. Women's magazines publish nothing but makeup, nudity, the latest ‘fashions’, and celebrities’ love stories. Men's magazines publish the topics of sports, love, or sex. Other magazines only write about marital betrayals and drug-related stories, causing the reader to believe that life is made up of only these things. Films are, as we all know, are just like brothels in Muslim households. The media do not highlight normal family life or the virtues of marriage; they only present lust that corrupts people. With all of this, nothing can protect the youth except early marriage, for those who can financially afford it. Those who cannot afford to get married have to preserve their modesty and chastity. The Prophet, salallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “O young people, whoever among you can marry should marry, for it helps lower the gaze and protect the private part; whoever could not marry should fast, for it diminishes sexual desire.”