To the Spouses in Ramadan

The month of Ramadan, with its special fragrance and beautiful meanings, comes to endow more brightness upon the marital life. It wipes out discord between the spouses and relieves them of the concerns and hardships of life, when their hearts draw close and they enjoy a high spiritual state. They emerge from this month with more love, affection and harmony.

For the spouses to attain this, they should observe a number of things during this noble month. With the arrival of Ramadan, the daily course of life changes including the time of sleep, meals and work. A person’s character may also change because of that. Hence, the spouses are forced to adapt themselves to the new situation, control their temper and habits, and cooperate to provide time and psychological relief for each other to allow him/her to perform his acts of worship with unblemished peace of mind.

The month of Ramadan teaches us the greatest lessons in tolerance, patience, forbearance and forgiveness. Fasting is intended to purify and polish the soul and control the habits. Hence, the spouses should maintain their quietness during that month. They should also control their temper and morals.

They should reduce the chances of dispute as much as possible and do their best to eliminate any misunderstanding. They should bear in mind that failing to do so will be at the expense of their worship, and that the devil is most keen on utilizing any situation to spoil the pleasure, spirituality and reward which they could attain during this month.

Their slogan should be the narration wherein the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If any one of you is fasting, let him not have sexual intercourse (with his spouse) or raise his voice; and if anyone insults or wants to fight him, let him say : ‘I am fasting’.”

One of the things that have the greatest effect on boosting affection and love between the spouses is to join each other in performing acts of worship and obedience during this noble month. One or both of the spouses may fall short of fully observing a certain act of worship throughout the year.

However, the month of Ramadan comes to provide an atmosphere of faith and acts of worship collaborated by that combine the spouses and bring them together. This grants them the best chance of love and affection when their home is blessed with their worship and obedience to Allah through the Taraweeh, Qiyaam and Tahajjud prayers, as well as recitation of the Qur'an, the mention of Allah and other acts of worship.

Hence, the spouses should encourage and help each other to do acts of worship. If one of them becomes negligent, he/she should find in his partner something that renews his determination and activity. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:

* “When a man awakes at night and wakes his wife and they pray two Rak'ahs together, they are recorded among the men and women who frequently mention Allah.” [Abu Daawood]

* “May Allah Have mercy upon a man who gets up at night and prays, and awakens his wife; if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face. May Allah Have mercy upon a woman who gets up at night and prays, and awakens her husband; if he refuses, she sprinkles water on his face.” [Abu Daawood]

When the last ten days of Ramadan started, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to wake his wives, may Allah be pleased with them, and pray all night.

The month of Ramadan is also an important chance for enhancing family bonds and social relations with the families of the spouses and the neighbors, through visits, phone calls, and Iftaar invitations. Time might pass with no communication between members of the family as the spouses wish. The month of Ramadan comes to rectify that.

In the month of Ramadan, members of the family meet thirty times for Iftaar. This provides the spouses with opportunities to utilize the meeting and develop strong relations between themselves and their children through dialogue and discussion and providing solutions for problems.

The wife is required to control the budget of Ramadan, and consider her husband’s financial capability. Some women make a long list of requirements which burden their husbands, waste their own time and divert them from the major concern.

The husband should help his wife with the household chores and looking after the children. Tasks should be distributed fairly in a way that gives the wife more time, and helps her do acts of worship and obedience. This does not attach the slightest blemish to the husband. Rather, it is an indication of good morals and a manly attitude. The best of creation and the most perfect husband, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “The best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best to my wives.” [At-Tirmithi]

When she was asked about what the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do if he entered his house, 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said: “He would help with the household tasks. When the prayer was due, he would go for prayer.” [At-Tirmithi]

It is totally unjustifiable to throw the responsibility of looking after the house and the children onto the wife who cooks, cleans, looks after the children, and arranges the house; while the husband devotes his time to reciting the Qur'an, praying, mentioning Allah and doing acts of worship.

Finally, each of the spouses should make sacrifices and seek reward from Allah, The Almighty, for every single word and deed so that the month of Ramadan will be a chance for renewing the marital life and a time of obedience, closeness to Allah Almighty, love and affection between the spouses.